I don't know what's wrong with me.
It's just out of a sudden, I'm not in a good mood. What's behind this? It's always the same reason every month. Obvious enough to know. & I feel so.. (can't even find any words to describe) every time it happens.
I just lose the mood to do anything when this happens. Anything. Hate it (x infinity). Sigh~ Been experiencing this since long long long time ago.. & it's known to be a not-good experience. (Since when it is?)
Feels like every little thing pisses me off, I can't find any reason to be happy, nothing satisfies me. This moody emotional sad me just stays till.. my happy mood comes back. I don't know what to do to help cheer myself up. Sometimes I lost hope anyway, since it's not that easy to make myself feel better.
Sometimes, I feel like a totally different person. Just in a split second when my mood changes (for the worse). It can go to that extreme. In one second I can be in a very good mood, and in the next, who knows? My mood might be horrible. Bad. All the way down. Just in that split second. & that bad mood stays.
I don't even know for how long will this bad mood stay. A while? One day? Few days? It's always like this. Not like this will stop anyway. It's no use no matter how much I blog here, it's no use no matter how sad I feel. This whole thing still remains the same. Nothing changes at all. I have to bear with this moody me till my happy mood comes back to me.
Listening to songs? Sad or happy?
Happy songs.
Sometimes they help. Not always. Most of the time they just make it worse. So normally I would avoid listening to happy songs when I'm not in a good mood. No reason. They just make me feel worse. Just like, being with a big group of people that are happily laughing away when I'm trying to bear with my bad mood. It just makes me feel worse.
Sad songs.
Most of the time they help. At least they calm me down. They make me feel better. Just like staying away from big crowds, staying away from noisy places, but being at the beach enjoying the wind enjoying the peacefulness.
Actually.. the tune of the song matters as well. If I don't like the tune, I'll choose another song. The tune has to suit my mood. It's not that every sad song is ok just because they're sad songs.
Why is it so hard? Why is it so hard to make myself happy or cheer myself up? I want so much to be happy yet.. it's so hard just to try to remain happy just because of a moodswing.
I feel like I'm so hard to understand.